The last time Denise flew to Florida to visit her parents, she looked forward to catching up and sharing a few laughs.
What she didn’t expect was leaving with a sense that something needed to change.
“We talked all the time,” says Denise. “We’d call and FaceTime, but that’s not the same as seeing them in their everyday environment.”
Dennis and Dot were doing well in Florida. Both were healthy, happy and enjoying their retirement. They also lived thousands of miles away.
As a nurse, Denise understood what many families eventually face: It’s easier for an older adult to make a move before it’s necessary than it is to move after a crisis.
“I wanted to bring them closer before they needed help,” says Denise. “I wanted to be proactive.”
Back home in Oregon, Denise started making plans.
Finding the right fit
“I didn’t look at assisted living. They don’t need that level of care.”
Instead, Denise looked for senior living options where her parents would enjoy an active, socially rich lifestyle.
“…with another set of eyes on them, should anything happen,” she adds.
Soon after, Dennis and Dot arrived in Oregon, and the trio toured a handful of communities.
They landed on Holiday.
A place to thrive
“Independent living really works for them,” says Denise. “It’s all about the activities, social life and not having the responsibilities they’ve had.”
For Dennis and Dot, moving to Holiday wasn’t about giving something up. It was about preserving their freedom to live as they choose while gaining community, friendships and a sense of purpose.
In fact, sometimes when Denise calls, her parents are too busy to talk. And that’s exactly what she hoped for. After all, her parents had always been active.
The couple once traveled the country to compete in race walking events, with Dot taking the top spot in her age group.
“Now they do CrossFit twice a week,” says Denise, laughing. “Honestly, they kind of put me to shame.”
When families come to tour, Dennis and Dot take it upon themselves to tout the benefits of Holiday over lunch. Then, as Resident Ambassadors, they help newcomers settle in and feel at home.
They can be counted on to participate in most community events and even created a few of their own. Dot formed a garden club to revitalize the community courtyard, filling raised beds with flowers, herbs, peppers and tomatoes. And both worked hard to recruit members to a new choral group.
“Grass doesn’t grow beneath our feet,” says Dennis with a wink.
Always ready with a joke, Dennis has become a bit of a local celebrity, occasionally performing stand-up comedy for residents.
“He acts like he doesn’t enjoy it,” laughs Denise. “But they keep asking him back!”
A second set of eyes – and peace of mind
Denise is thrilled to see her parents so happy. But there’s one benefit that’s more difficult to measure.
“I have a high-pressure job,” explains Denise. “Of course, I’m always going to care about my parents because they’re my parents. But knowing they’re safe, that they’ll be missed if they don’t show up to something, takes a lot off my mind.”
“As a nurse, I’ve seen what loneliness can do to older adults,” she says. “Mental health and physical health affect each other. Knowing they have a busy social life and people around them gives me tremendous peace of mind.”
A gift for the whole family
Looking back, Denise doesn’t see the move to Holiday as merely finding a place for her parents to live.
“It’s a gift,” she says.
“As we get older, it can feel like our importance in the world is shrinking,” says Denise. “Here, they still contribute. People value them. They ask for their advice. They have meaningful relationships with staff and residents.”
Dennis may no longer be a bank president or the young Navy recruit in the photo on the community veterans’ wall, but he’s still a person others look to and respect.
“He gets to be the cool guy again,” says Denise.
And after decades of caring for others, Dot enjoys a bit of pampering.
“It’s lovely to come for lunch and see my mom being waited on,” says Denise. “I love that for her.”
As for Denise, she receives what every child of older parents hopes for – the comfort of knowing they’re safe, happy and connected.
“My advice? Don’t hesitate,” she adds.
“Look into independent living before there’s a need. If your parents are healthy and active, this is exactly the time and place.”
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